Notes on…
Carp
All anglers are obsessive, but carp fishers are the most single-minded of all. They think nothing of spending weeks on…
Daffodils
Spring is the season of supermarket daffodils. At a pound a bunch, you can deck out your home like Elton…
Fur
We in Britain have long been much more squeamish about fur than other Europeans. I still well remember the snide…
Chicken soup
Catherine Chicken is sickly. She has swollen up like a barrage balloon with an evil face and dinosaur feet. She…
Marmalade
The spectrum of ‘bestowing homemade gifts on one’s friends’ ranges from giving to foisting. Pure giving is when you make…
Gold
After taking James Bond hostage, Auric Goldfinger does what all Bond villains do when in a position of power —…
Christmas trees
The closest thing we have to a native Christmas tree is the often broccoli-shaped Scots pine (Pinus sylvestris). But the…
Mistletoe
Give us a snog. Pucker up at the Christmas party. Kiss me quick at the Nativity play. Will you be…
Baileys
For many, the first Baileys of the year heralds the start of the festive season; to others, it’s a drink…
Christmas elves
I was 19 when I became a Hamleys elf. The closest thing I can compare it to is military service.…
Mullets
The mullet is back in fashion, which is proof that true evil never dies. What’s more, the trend is being…
Tiramisu
You can get drunk on tiramisu. I have done it. It takes two portions at least. You drink (I mean…
Bagpipes
Many people love to hate bagpipes. Everyone from William Shakespeare to Alfred Hitchcock has held them in contempt. For some,…
Halloween turnips
You see them everywhere in vast orange mounds: pumpkins, piles of pumpkins, large enough to be turned into a coach…
Sloes
The gin craze of recent years has reached a scale that would have horrified Hogarth. You can now buy strawberry,…
Conkers
Last weekend, for the 54th time, hundreds of competitors met to compete for the title of world conker champion in…
Bungalows
We keep hearing about the importance of levelling up. Architects tasked with the responsibility of building new homes, however, might…
Irn Bru
There aren’t many countries where Coca-Cola isn’t the most popular drink. Scotland is one of them. And unlike some of…
Place names
Last week a gentle Norfolk waterway got into trouble with Facebook. The problem was its name — Cockshoot Dyke. Facebook’s…
Passports
The Egyptologist Sir J. Gardner Wilkinson interprets drawings in a tomb in Thebes as persons queuing up to have passports…
Treehouses
You can’t (and probably shouldn’t) design a treehouse. Treehouses should grow organically, in every sense: they must be made of…
Leotards
Jules Léotard was blessed in his name. It might have been quite different had he been called, say, Jules Droupé.…
Eels
The migration of European eels is one of the miracles of nature. They start life in the great deeps of…
Sensory deprivation tanks
Hidden below St George’s Wharf in Vauxhall, down the road from a now defunct gay sauna, is Floatworks, a wellness…
Avocets
There are many reasons why birds disappear — and why they return. The avocet, however, is probably the only one…
