Notes on…
Down with exclamation marks!
Punctuation is a gendered thing. I’ve been trying to stop myself overusing exclamation marks and it’s been difficult. Exclamation marks…
I’m learning to swim – at 37
It’s humiliating to admit that at 37, I can’t swim. I’ve spent most of my life embarrassed about not having…
The power of wax seals has never waned
In our electronic age it hardly comes as a surprise that Pat MacFadden’s Cabinet Office intends to do away with…
The secrets of the Palm House at Kew
The news that the Palm House at the Royal Botanic Gardens, Kew, will begin a £60 million, five-year renovation in…
The wit and beauty of bank notes
William Shakespeare was the first to feature, in 1970. Alan Turing was most recent, in 2021. But the Bank of…
I’ve got Donald Trump to thank for my unusual middle name
Never make a drunken bet. At about 3 a.m. one fateful morning, pre-pandemic and several bottles down, a friend and…
How postcards made Britain
Worse for drink, and lonely in his Hollywood apartment, F. Scott Fitzgerald sat down to write a postcard. He began,…
The hidden value of notes
‘You asshole,’ was my friend’s cheery greeting when we met in Ludlow. I’d mucked up the time. Reconciled, we walked…
Heaven is Angel Delight
I once heard an American complain that, being married to an Englishwoman, he was regularly baffled by the contents of…
A love letter to lonely hearts ads
Published in Britain for at least 330 years, lonely hearts ads are now a rare sight – driven to the…
The disposable vape ban has changed nothing
I felt a mixture of annoyance and relief when I bought my first non-disposable Elf Bar last weekend, ahead of…
How to survive a Chinese banquet
When heading to China on a business trip, I was somewhat bemused to be warned about the banquets I would…
Typos are an unintentional delight
Afriend of mine was once delighted to get a job at the Radio Times, where he ‘corrected’ a golfing picture…
Should gentlemen wear pearls?
There are few phrases more terrifying than ‘men’s fashion’. It reminds me of yuppies in salmon-coloured jorts on their way…
The conservatism of Thomas the Tank Engine
Ringo Starr is mostly known as the second or third best drummer in the Beatles. But for me – as…
The art of a great pub quiz
‘What’s the capital of Albania?’ The correct answer is, of course: ‘Who cares?’ If you’re at a quiz and this…
My battle to avoid boredom
Four days ago I was so bored that I considered starting a terrorist groupuscule. I had no demands, no ideology,…
Admit it: Creme Eggs are vile
Every Easter, the Creme Egg dominates supermarket shelves. It is, Cadbury’s marketing department loves to remind us, ‘the nation’s favourite…
Why I said no to marrying my cousin
There’s a joke that does the rounds about a Pakistani couple who get a divorce. After their union is dissolved,…
The truth about ninjas
One of my favourite scenes in Kill Bill, Quentin Tarantino’s black comedy martial arts film, is the meeting of Beatrix…
The curious language of coins
Lewis Carroll used to travel with purses divided into separate compartments, each containing the exact number of coins he’d need…
Bring back beef dripping!
For several years, a debate has raged (mainly on Twitter, now X) over whether animal fats are actually better for…
How ‘Boom Boom’ are you?
Do you Boom Boom? Or are you just Booming? Can Boomers Boom Boom or is it just for Zoomers? Can…
Why possum beats cashmere
In 1990, an exotic Swiss-Canadian teenager of purportedly Habsburgian lineage descended on Cambridge in a cloud of cashmere. His wardrobe…
How Shrove Tuesday inspired the animal welfare movement
In some countries Shrove Tuesday (the day of merrymaking before the rigours of Lent) developed into a ‘carnival’ that lasted…
